"My friend has a house in the Bahamas that she didn't even tell us about."


"One of my neighbors is the Goldman Sachs b* who stole all the money and was like I'm retired and bought an enormous house with a basketball court in the first level of the basement."


"My other neighbor might be going to jail for embezzlement. I predicted he was part of the Venezuelan Mafia when he moved in. He got indicted by the US Government. His name is Poncho. He donned a house arrest anklet for a year. But it turns out he was just a scapegoat."


"I have a really big predicament. My grandpa wants to take me to the opera. But my boyfriend has a lacrosse game that day."


"My grandpa just bought a house in Italy. Because he likes Italy."

"My dad lost money on our airport today."

A teacher's conversation with a 5-year-old:
"What was your favorite thing to do in Paris?"
"Shoe shopping, duh!"
"What shoes did you get?"
"Designer, of course!"

D: "How was Florida?"
K: "Good, but I was sick. Had a stomach bug."
D: "Oh that's the worst!"
K: "Yeah, but then we went to Cancun and I was fine."
D: "Where's Cancun again? Mexico?"
K: "Meh-hico."
D: "Right, Mexico."
K: "No, meh-hico."

"My dad doesn't have a job right now, so we're selling our house. And moving into our other one."

"Why isn't there white history month? I'm kidding, but seriously."

"I don't want to wear make-up on my mission trip, so I got my eyelashes tinted."

"I'm really stressed out right now."

"Oh no! Why?"

"I can't figure out what letter to play in Words with Friends."

After her iPhone was stolen: 

"I don't have an iPhone. I'm going to be the laughing stock of this town. I feel like I lost a family member."

"There's nothing more upsetting in the whole world than shopping for a bathing suit."

"Do-It-Yourself project? I'd rather just hire someone to do it for me."

"She just looks Oriental."

"I would like to bring the children of Africa potato cones and see what they'd do with them. They'd probably just be grateful."

"Worst-case scenario, we just go to the Hamptons for break."

"I haven't been shopping in so long and it's like messing with my brain."

"I just bought a new pair of sunglasses."

"What are they?"

"I don't want to tell you...Versace."

"My mom took me to Lord & Taylor to make me feel better."

"We're going to watch Pretty Little Liars in my friend's movie theatre."

After telling other kids about this quote, one of them said:

"Yeah? A lot of people in this town have movie theatres..."

"I dropped my iPhone and my iPod in the toilet. But my iPad is fine."

"We could always go to J. Crew as a cheaper alternative."

"We have to import our minority students from the inner city."

In a Chinese Restaurant:

"Do you guys do forks?"

After a car accident involving a deer:

"And of course they sent the bitchy girl cop, not the hot guy cop!"

"Grandpa, you can come watch Fox News at our house! We always have it on!"

After having spilled beads all over the floor, she recounts the incident and includes her nanny/maid, Consuela*:

"I spilled the beads all over the floor and swept them into a pile, but I was really tired so I went to sleep. I hope Consuela cleaned them up. And when I got home the next day, it was spotless."

*name changed

"I planned on unpacking when I got home from school, but when I got home, Consuela had already done it for me."

In a Target elevator:

"Wow, this elevator is huge."

"Yeah, it's like the size of Consuela's room."

An acting student:

"If I made six figures, I wouldn't care about my passions."

"I would go into politics, but I'm not a liar."

"They film so many movies in my neighborhood, it's a joke."

"#fairfieldcountyproblems"

"Well, yeah, everyone belongs to a club. You're just judged on which one you belong to."

"I hope they don't turn that park in to a parking lot."
"I do, we need more space to park around here!"